Going through the motionsThat is just how I feel today. I am in such a fog. My mind keeps wandering back to my mom and I am having such trouble keeping the tears at bay. She's not improved and she says that the x-ray results haven't come back yet. How can a simple x-ray take so blasted long to read? Naturally since she hasn't told me what is wrong precisely I am fearing the worst. She's been in bed since Friday to weak and in to much pain to even get up for a shower. I am really very scared. She's getting worse. Even if you exclude this latest incident she's been getting steadily worse. She can't shake the bronchitis any more and has become steroid dependent because of it. Her voice has changed, it's more airy and strained.
The worst thing is that there is simply no hope for improvement. Her spastic pains may ease, yes, but she will never improve overall. She could maintain for years if she'd stop smoking. She won't. She says things like, "why bother" and "one a day isn't going to hurt". She's slowly, steadily, getting worse.