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Thursday, June 22

a bad day

I am having a bad day. Started last night really, when I balanced my cashflow. It's rather sad looking...pitiful really. The moron still has no job and no job means no child support. The good part about keeping a cashflow is that you can see when and where trouble spots are approaching. The bad part about keeping it are...well...are the same as the good. It's rather depressing when all but 4 days go into the red for an entire month. *sigh*

I've been looking for a second job for a couple weeks thanks to the cashflow redness warning me I needed to. I have been putting in applications at restaurants. I always made good money that way....always got good tips. I called a place today and asked if they were hiring and felt pretty good about it after the call. The times would fit my schedule and they would hire part time. So I went over during the designated hours during which they accept applications and asked for one. Filled it out...sat and sat and sat waiting for the manager to come out and talk to me. He finally called the hostess desk and asked the manager up there to take my application. She did and asked when my last waitress experience was. 1995. Ohhh I felt ancient. No luck there...they require recent, like in the last 6 months experience. ouch. No wonder no other places have called.

I have to do something otherwise rent will be next to impossible to make not to mention our annual trip to family camp with the church. Absolutely breaks my heart to think of not going to camp this year. Honestly, it is the one thing I can really look forward to all year long. No worries, no stress, a time to ground myself in my faith, re-connect with my kids. It's something I treasure more than I can say. Right now as things stand we can't go. I keep praying that something will turn this all around I keep trying to have faith and trust that this one thing we all love won't be taken from us...I even already put in for the time off work..but it's just looking very very bleak. The kids are going to be heartbroken. That's a big part of why it brings me to tears at the thought of missing it. They adore going. I have to limit so much already it feels terrible t have to strip this from them as well. The little guy hasn't ever not gone. He wasn't even a year old the first time we went.

Then to top the day off just perfectly...Aunt Flo has come for a visit. I feel like crap, physically and emotionally. Most of the emotions I am hoping I can blame on hormones...maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. A little hope would be nice.


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