We're all just human and we're people too!
Tonight I had to attend the "SMILE" program, a requirement for all divorcing persons with minor children. Start Making It Liveable for Everyone. Instead of being helpful and informative it was a lesson in common sense. I am amazed that there are so many people with out simple common sense that the state has decided that it has to step in and make a mandatory lesson of it. Well, not mandatory really just strongly recommended and said that not attending can adversely affect your court case. The information was so general that I can't see how anyone in the room walked away without feeling as if they had just lost two hours of their time for no reason. The information was simple stuff like...don't use your kids against one another and don't fight in front of them, don't tell them more than they need to know, don't lie to them. I know there are divorcing couples out there that don't focus on making it easy for the kids but I honestly don't think that this program is going to have them walking out saying to themselves.."Goodness I have been going about it all wrong!!". It is more likely to have people walking out thinking oh that's not me! The presenters even said so over and over again, how none of this is probably happening to you but you just never know what the future will bring since "we're all human and we're all people too". Umm excuse me?
Then there was a video. All these poor kids telling how awful their parents were before, during and after the divorce. How they would hide in a closet or listen at the door. How they'd take little sister to her room so she wouldn't hear the fights. On and on about how terrible it was. It was a two hour long guilt trip. I am not perfect...I have fought in front of my kids. It's why I left. I didn't want them in that kind of household. He was mean, cruel and abusive. I guess perhaps someone did need to attend this little program. No, he didn't go. His reason? He was waiting on a phone call.(Note: he has a cell phone)
I am sure someone out there needed to hear what was said at this thing but it's just sad that there is a need for it at all. No matter what the situation is, no matter the reasons for divorce you have to make the kids the most important concern. Continuing to fight does no one any good. I left a man who abused me, cheated on me and lied to me. I have every right to hate his guts and every reason to fight with him. I could have taken everything from him in this divorce. I took nothing except custody of my child and even there he has open visitation. My son is far more important than any need I may have to continue hating his father. I wish the divorce wasn't necessary but it was. I have to make the best of a terrible thing.
I wish everyone could put the kids first. Settle everything nice and civil. I suppose as much of a waste of time that session was it may have benefited someone out there and shown them that they need to quit fighting the inevitable and just move forward.