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Thursday, February 1

stress and whine

I am feeling entirely overwhelmed tonight. Work has extended the deadline by a week for the client to make a decision just to torment us little people I am sure. My boss has continued on with her "you have nothing to worry about" mantra but still...you can't help but have a little nagging fear that it will all fall apart ya know?

Normally, this isn't enough to stress me out it's just a little nagging thing in the back of my mind but I also had a long talk with my Mom last night. Long for her anyhow. 20 minutes and she was so out of breath from talking that she had to get off the phone and go rest. She's declining and it scares me to my core. Flat out terrifies me so much that I have to distract myself whenever I begin to think of her just so I won't collapse into a sobbing mess. Tears are unavoidable, they just drizzle down my cheeks. She must think I have a constant cold, I am sure I sound all stuffy and nasally whenever we talk.

Money is tight as usual and just adds to the stress.

It's freezing in this damn apartment. It's 13 degrees outside and no matter how high I turn up the furnace it just doesn't warm this place. So, I am just plain not comfy. Sunday the high is 6. 6! I am thinking of baking constantly all day long just to keep the oven running.

Want to know the dumbest thing of all that has me stressed out? This trip. Not that it will go badly and not even the meeting his family part so much anymore. It's the what next that has me all a flutter. A girl at work keeps asking me the hard questions. What are our plans and such things. I haven't any answers. I know nothing beyond an absolute certainity that I need to be with him. It's the how that is tricky. So many details that will likely be time comsuming, possibly costly, and definetly difficult that have me overwhelmed. What if the obstacles are just to big to overcome?

It's all likely just monthly hormone related freaking out but it's still a pain in the ass to deal with.



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