Well, I went to the therapist. I'm not sure how I feel about it...sort of like it was a waste of time, sort of. I assumed she'd say things like...woooah you are quite a mess, or yes, I see a few things we can work on, or here please take these drugs! There wasn't anything like that at all. She agreed I was under alot of stress and talked a bit about how worry and depression pop up no matter how I try to ignore it and bury it. When I am busy it's set aside but soon as things calm down it's right back again. I don't think I was expecting answers so much as I was at least expecting her to say, "yeah, you do need to be here". I go again on Friday so I guess we'll see.
I also got a new book...self help sort about reclaiming and healing your inner child. Going to spend some time with it tonight.
I'm just so tired of feeling like I am merely, barely surviving. Like I am always waiting on that one thing to happen and THEN I'll be happy. So I am doing a bit of searching to see if I can find that happy person I honestly remember being.