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Sunday, April 30

too many hours in a day

I should be sleeping but I am listening to a episode of In Our Time and playing with this blog instead. It's been a long day. I don't get much time to myself other than when the kids are in bed but today they were all off and running. The little guy to his Dad's, middle man was visiting a friend and the oldest was off playing frisbee golf with his friend. I was suddenly left with hours to myself. It's always a very odd thing to be on my own. Never feels quite right. I honestly don't know what to do with myself when it happens and so today I sat around and did nothing. That's right absolutely nothing. I could have read. I could have cleaned. I could have gone into work for a bit. I even brought home work and yet I didn't do that either. I sat. Cried a little. Felt just so very much alone. I suppose I just need to get used to it, surely it will happen often now as the older ones grow up and have lives of their own and J being gone every other weekend. There are bound to more saturday afternoons that I will spend alone. I just simply don't like it much.

Maybe it was because it caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting to be alone so I hadn't the time to think about it prepare for it. Plan for something to do. I don't know...this whole thing...the whole move and starting over just has me a little more unglued than I care to admit. I keep thinking it'll get better andmost days it feels as though it is. Until I hit a day like today. A day with just too many hours in it.

Do you know those days when you are busy or happy that you honestly wish the day was longer. One more hour to get something else done or just praying the day would never end. I want those days back. I want to quit wishing the day away just to get through another one.


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