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Friday, February 2
Aunt Flo
I truely hate her. Ya know, that monthly visitor. I am feeling aweful and moody and cranky. All attributed to her, well, mostly anyhow...the stresses that are hovering don't help one tiny bit. I want to crawl back into bed and stay there for days.
I am feeling entirely overwhelmed tonight. Work has extended the deadline by a week for the client to make a decision just to torment us little people I am sure. My boss has continued on with her "you have nothing to worry about" mantra but still...you can't help but have a little nagging fear that it will all fall apart ya know?
Normally, this isn't enough to stress me out it's just a little nagging thing in the back of my mind but I also had a long talk with my Mom last night. Long for her anyhow. 20 minutes and she was so out of breath from talking that she had to get off the phone and go rest. She's declining and it scares me to my core. Flat out terrifies me so much that I have to distract myself whenever I begin to think of her just so I won't collapse into a sobbing mess. Tears are unavoidable, they just drizzle down my cheeks. She must think I have a constant cold, I am sure I sound all stuffy and nasally whenever we talk.
Money is tight as usual and just adds to the stress.
It's freezing in this damn apartment. It's 13 degrees outside and no matter how high I turn up the furnace it just doesn't warm this place. So, I am just plain not comfy. Sunday the high is 6. 6! I am thinking of baking constantly all day long just to keep the oven running.
Want to know the dumbest thing of all that has me stressed out? This trip. Not that it will go badly and not even the meeting his family part so much anymore. It's the what next that has me all a flutter. A girl at work keeps asking me the hard questions. What are our plans and such things. I haven't any answers. I know nothing beyond an absolute certainity that I need to be with him. It's the how that is tricky. So many details that will likely be time comsuming, possibly costly, and definetly difficult that have me overwhelmed. What if the obstacles are just to big to overcome?
It's all likely just monthly hormone related freaking out but it's still a pain in the ass to deal with.
I am an avid reader and admitted geek. I will read anything I can get my hands on, I adore Shakespeare and anything historical.
I can take apart and rebuild my computer with ease and was hanging out online when all you could do was go to BBS's.
I love museums...any kind. I can get lost in a bookstore for hours. I annoy my oldest son with the amount of Dave Matthews
I play and I know every word to just about every Beatles song ever written. I am a diet coke junkie.
I tend to kill my houseplants...I simply forget they are there...although I do have one that has survived for four years
now...new record! I attend church every week (almost).
Update, October 2006: That plant died. This year I became the mother of a high schooler, middle schooler and a kindergartener. When did I become old enough for all that?
Update, November 2007: I am moving to the UK! Well, hopefully anyhow...have to sort out things with the little guys father and a million other details but as soon as I can manage it I am moving to be with the love of my life in a country I adore!
Update, August 2008: I live in ENGLAND!!!! The little guy and I moved over in April and absolutely love it. Just found a permanent job too. Sooooo Happy!
October 2009 Yeah so lost the perm job :( but still very, very happy :D